MIKEY SMITH: 9 unhinged Donald Trump moments in 24 hours as 'deeply creepy' banners raised in Washington

Donald Trump returns to Washington today, after a lengthy tour of Middle East capitals.

He looked like he was having the time of his life, once he got past the jet lag, leading some to wonder whether he feels more at home at glitzy events with ruthless autocrats than he does back in DC.

Those fears have been compounded by outdoor decorations going up in Washington that look eerily like a scene from the Handmaid's Tale.

Meanwhile, the President picked a fight with France, told troops he's thinking about trying to "win a fourth" election - despite barely having won two - and there was more talk about eggs, groceries and the Transport Secretary's skills as an outdoorsman.

There was so much confected outrage over an Insta post by James Comey that our teeth are starting to hurt.

And we go into detail - if anything too much detail - on a row over a painting of Jesus.

Here's 24 hours in Trump land. Strap in.

1. People are concerned about these banners

Residents of Washington DC spotted something new being hoisted onto the side of the Department of Agriculture yesterday - a massive banner of Trump's face.

While some have compared this fairly yikes image to authoritarian regimes like North Korea, our first thought was David Cameron's visit to Albania last year, where they hoisted a massive picture of his face on the side of a building to welcome him...only for him to leave again after less than an hour because was about to call an election.

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2. Here's why the banner is actually there...

While it's possible the banner is a sign of creeping authoritarianism in the United States, there might be another reason - linked to another sign of creeping authoritarianism in the United States.

According to The Washington Post, the Department of Agriculture is going to be where thousands of army servicemen and women are going to be housed before taking part in a military parade next month.

The parade is definitely to mark the 250th anniversary of the US Army, you understand - and not to mark Trump's birthday, which happens to be the same day.

The event, which is expected to cost between $25 and $45 million, will involve flypasts from warplanes and hundreds of army vehicles rolling down the streets of Downtown DC - presumably with giant banners bearing Trump's image gazing down on them.

3. While we're on the subject of creeping authoritarianism

We missed this bit in Trump's speech to the troops in yesterday...

"As you know we won three elections," he said.

"And some people want us to do a fourth. I don't know. I'll have to think about that. You saw the new hat?… It says Trump 2028."

4. 86 47

James Comey, the former FBI director who quit during Trump's first term after accusing him of demanding "loyalty" specifically to him rather than the country, has got himself in a bit of bother.

He posted a picture of a beach, on which lay a collection of shells spelling out the numbers "86" and "47".

Now, a bit of code breaking for you. Trump is the 47th President of the United States.

For non-Americans, '86' is a casual term for removing, getting rid of or - very occasionally - killing something or someone.

It's kind of a rhyming slang for "nix", although some have claimed it has a different etymology referring to the average size of a grave.

What it's probably not is a suggestion that the President should be assassinated. Nevertheless, many performative MAGA types have chosen to interpret it that way and have accused the former FBI director of ordering a "hit" on the sitting President.

Still, following the backlash, Comey deleted the post.

It's worth noting a couple of things to provide context to this 'outrage', which is so confected it might as well have a Hershey wrapper around it.

First of all, either MAGA types know 86 can be used to express a desire to "get rid of" or impeach a President. Otherwise all the "86 46" T-shirts that sprung up on sale during the Biden administration were in extremely poor taste.

Secondly, this all came up during Trump's first term, when Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer displayed an "86 45" pin behind her during a TV interview.

Why is that notable? Because the FBI thwarted a genuine plot from a militia group who were planning to try to kidnap Whitmer around the same time.

11 days after the plot was revealed, Trump did a rally in Michigan, her home state, where the crowd chanted "lock her up".

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5. He Trumpsplained groceries to the President of UAE

Trump did his "groceries is an old-fashioned word" bit again.

This time, it was during a sit-down with UAE President, Sheikh Mohamed bin Zayed Al Nahyan.

"Costs are way down, groceries are way," Trump said "They have a term, 'grocery.' It's an old term, but it means basically what you're buying: food. It's a pretty accurate term, but it's an old-fashioned sound, but groceries are down."

"Costs are down, eggs are down," Trump went on.

"They were, first week they were hitting me with 'Eggs were up 200%' and now they're down to a number that is amazing. We're down 97, 98% from where they were. And everybody, they said, 'You won't have eggs for Easter.' Well, everybody had eggs for Easter at a very reasonable price."

While egg prices have indeed fallen, they're still around 49% higher than they were this time last year according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

6. Then he said whatever this is to a meeting of military contractors

Look, I'm not even going to try and interpret this, but it's a pretty good explanation of why the White House stopped doing verbatim transcripts of everything the President says in public, as had been the case under previous administrations.

Giving a pitch to military contractors about a new kind of drone, Trump said the following.

"When you look at what's happening with and , the drone is killing tremendous numbers of people, you hide behind a tree and the drone comes down and it circles you with- with fire.

"You don't have a chance. The tree comes down also, by the way. It's so intense.

"The tr- I mean, you see these trees being knocked down like- like they're being sawed down by a top of the line, uh, timberman, like- like, you know who? Sean Duffy.

"Do you know that Sean Duffy, the head of the transportation department who's working right now on the airports and getting a system because Biden didn't do a thing for four years.

"And Pete Buttigieg was the head, and he goes bicycle in to work. He takes a bicycle to work. Can you believe he's- he's running the biggest air system in the and he takes a bicycle to work?

"What a... And- and they say he's going to run for president. I don't see it. Who knows, right? But I don't see it."

7. Meanwhile he picked a fight with France over a Hitler speech that never happened

Again, returning to Trump's speech to the Troops in Qatar, the US President did a deeply drive by on France.

"We love France, right? But I think we did a little more to win the war than France did. Do we agree?

"I don't want to be a wise guy, but when Hitler made his speech at the Eiffel Tower, I would say that wasn't exactly ideal."

Hitler never made a speech at the Eiffel Tower. In fact, he never even went up it because the French cut the lift cables just before Germany invaded.

8. Nobody puts Jesus in the basement

Speaking of noted outdoorsman Sean Duffy, the Transport Secretary spent yesterday putting his attention where it really should be.

What, you mean trying to get to grips Denver Airport suffering an Air Traffic Control outage that meant the tower lost contact with up to 20 pilots on approach, the latest in a string of such outages to hit American airports?

Nah, he was gloating about getting a painting of Jesus out of a basement.

You see, the US Merchant Marine Academy in King's Point, New York owns a pretty weird, not very good painting of Jesus appearing to seamen adrift in a lifeboat, presumably during World War II.

The painting is only notable because it was painted by Hunter Alexander Wood, a sailor who happened to be the son of famous marine painter Worden George Wood. That and it's pretty massive.

Anyway, until 2023 it had hung in what used to be a chapel in the 50s, but since then had been a conference room.

There was a (not unreasonable) complaint after the room was used for disciplinary proceedings about whether a midshipman had violated the Academy's Honour Code, with the complainant suggesting it sent an "improper message" of "preferred faith" - in violation of the Constitution.

So the Academy decided to do two things. First, they decided not to use that room for official business any more - leaving the painting in place for anyone to come and see it if they wanted to.

Second, the painting was in pretty rough shape, so they had it carefully removed by a Pennsylvania art conservation firm to take away for restoration.

It took four passes to remove "nicotine, dirt and varnish" from the painting before it was returned to the Academy good as new.

Upon its return the Academy decided, again, not unreasonably, to head off any further complaints by putting it in (or at least near) a chapel - as originally intended.

It was hung in the lower rear hallway of the Mariners' Memorial Chapel, outside the Protestant and Catholic chapels.

While the hallway has from time to time suffered the odd flood, it is not what most people would consider a "basement". It's a hallway, with painted walls and normal floors and not a washing machine, cobweb or boiler in sight. It's what we in the UK would call a "Lower Ground Floor".

The word "lower" in its location, obviously, was seized upon by MAGA types, who accused the Biden administration (who had nothing to do with it) of putting the painting in a basement (which it wasn't).

Anyway, in case anyone wasn't exhausted enough with all this nonsense, Sean Duffy did a video yesterday saying the painting had been moved "from its place of prominence" - an occasionally used conference room, where it had been stained with dirt and nicotine - "to the basement."

"We are moving Jesus out of the basement," he said proudly in the clip. "This painting is going to go from the basement back to its place of prominence. It'll be a moment to celebrate."

Weirdly, he didn't even do the video in front of the painting - he did it in front of a smaller print of the painting. Perhaps because it would have given away that the 10ft by 19ft original is, once again, not in a basement.

It is unclear from any of the Department of Transport's communications on the subject where the painting will actually be displayed.

9. Birthright citizenship is up in front of the Supreme court

Finally, on less silly matters, Trump's bid to scrap birthright citizenship was up before the Supreme Court yesterday.

Birthright citizenship is the rule that if you're born in the United States, you're a US citizen, regardless of your parents' immigration status.

Republicans have long argued this leads to undocumented immigrants having "anchor babies" - a truly unpleasant term suggesting some people have children to make them harder to deport.

It's enshrined in the 14th amendment to the Constitution, and would require a congressional supermajority to change - despite Trump's claims to be able to set it aside with an executive order.

This morning Trump took to his Truth Social platform to hammer "Radical Left Sleazebags" after Supreme Court justices on heard more than two hours of arguments debating how the lower courts should handle Trump's order.

"I hope the Supreme Court doesn't fall for the games they play," Trump added. "The people are with us in bigger numbers than ever before."